Anyone that has ever been involved in a child custody case will tell you that it is
probably the most emotional and highly charged issue they have ever been involved
in. Other things being equal, most will agree that the mother generally enjoys a
certain advantage, but should the father be a crossdresser his chances are even
further reduced.
Time and time again I have heard stories from crossdressing fathers that were
blackmailed into giving up their parental rights because of the threats of exposure
and ridicule. IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE THAT WAY! I have recently been
involved in just such a case and won. My ex-wife and her attorney did their best to
portray me as some sort of "crazed transvestite" and unfit to have the primary care,
custody, and control of my six year old son but we went in very well prepared and
overcame. Here is how we did it.
Be comfortable and confident in yourself and your transgendered nature. The fact
that you are a crossdresser doesn’t keep you from being a good father. It is just
another part of the person you are. Most of the crossdressers that I know are much
more nurturing and caring than more traditional males. You must believe in
yourself if you expect others to.
Find the right attorney. Start by looking for one that is experienced and successful
in representing fathers. Be honest and up front about your crossdressing. He/she
needs to know ALL the issues, if you sense he/she is at all uncomfortable
representing you, keep looking. It is imperative that he/she believe in you if he/she
is to do his/her best. My attorney not only had the best record in the state at
representing fathers but quickly adopted the attitude that my dressing is a form of
freedom of expression and did not make me a bad father. It was great to see him
getting fired up when we started discussing the issues.
Be prepared. Knowing they would try to portray me as some sort of psychological
pervert I went through a whole battery of psychological tests so that we could show
that nothing could be farther from the truth. Armed with the new DSM IV and
having educated one of the best known local counselors we took the issue head on
and presented it exactly as it is.
Remain calm. The opposing attorney will undoubtedly try to get to you. Your
confidence and belief in yourself needs to be very apparent without being arrogant.
Looking back it certainly wasn’t a pleasant or easy experience but very well worth
it. If you find yourself in a similar situation don’t let them blackmail you, stand up
for yourself. Please don't hesitate to contact me if I can be of any help or support.
