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K R Kreckel
3670 Placid Drive Casper, Wyoming 82604-4984 1-307-235-3505 E-mail:kreckel1@yahoo.com Word Count: 1967 Category: Feature Article Copyright K R Kreckel 2002 Confessions of a Corporate Recruiter By K R Kreckel Once again I’m locked in a room only slightly larger than a confessional. Across a small table sits an unkempt young man, looking uncomfortable in a mis-buttoned white shirt and badly knotted ten year old tie. His hair has likely only rarely felt a comb and he’s missed several spots in his morning shave. He’s talking, but I’m only vaguely hearing what he is saying, totally distracted by the frequent “y’know’s” and “well’s” and the occasional “it’s like, uh”. In desperation I glance down at this transcript in front of me on the table. No surprises here, I’m viewing a C-minus record of accomplishment. Notably he even managed a “D” in PE. My mind is crying out, “What are you doing here? Do you really think you have even a chance of being hired?” Instead I just look at him, smiling, trying to feign interest in the life history which is gushing out. As he goes on, however, I can barely keep a lid on my rising anger. “Get a clue kid,” my mind rages. I fight down an almost irresistible urge to smack him with my briefcase. My focus returns to the candidate. He’s asking a question! “Like, what can I expect my starting salary to be?” My eyes fill with red. I launch myself across the table, grabbing his throat with both hands. I throttle him. “Wake up, kid, wake up!” I awake in my dimly lighted hotel room. Slowly my mind shakes off the last vestiges of the dream world as I fight to face reality. I glance at the clock beside me--5:43. It’s almost time to get up, time to start another day of campus interviews. I remember the dream and slowly come to realize it didn’t really happen. I didn’t assault a student. It’s difficult, though, because it is a frequent dream, even a sometime daydream. It’s a fantasy given birth by the interviewing of so many students who don't have a clue how to interview, what they’re looking for, or even what they are doing with their lives. Confronting the untapped potential of so many youths, totally unaware of the unrealized talents and opportunities that literally lie at their feet, leaves me incredulous. The resulting frustration leads to this violent fantasy, and I confess fully to my guilt. Like many crimes, however, there is a good intention. Someone must tell them, get them to recognize just how this system works and how they can benefit. They simply have got to get a clue. I didn’t start out this way. I entered the ranks of the corporate recruiters the time honored way--I was drafted. Being recognized by my superiors and peers as having some technical expertise, it was assumed, albeit somewhat illogically, that I would be just the one to choose the next wave of workers. Bundled off to a week long seminar on recruiting, covering such varied topics as interviewing techniques, political correctness, and personal grooming, it didn’t take long to become proficient at the required skills. I graduated from my class with flying colors--I was particularly proud of my high marks in body language-- and went immediately to my first campus assignment, ready to hook the best and brightest from a sea of eager, fresh-faced, and well-qualified soon-to-be graduates. My enthusiasm was dented early on when I met my teammate [our company usually team interviewed]. She was an attractive, smart and thoroughly professional Human Resources Rep who smiled tolerantly at me, told me to forget all that crap I learned in Recruiting School, sit back, watch her and learn how it is really done. I was disturbed as she went on to devise a hand signal for me to tell her when I thought a candidate didn’t have a chance from a technical or knowledge standpoint. She would then blow them off. No sense wasting time with a loser. You mean we don't try to counsel them, let them know what they’re doing wrong, I wanted to ask. But she went on, if the candidate is an obvious bozo, she wouldn’t wait for my signal. I was horrified, but stayed silent. Her manner didn’t seem to allow for questions, so I meekly sat and waited to learn from her example. And learn I did. Over that day and the many, many interviews I participated in during the year, I learned the real job of the corporate recruiter. Of course you’re a salesman, selling the company’s virtues, but that’s not the most critical role. The more important part of the job is recognizing, and then sifting out, the bad candidates. I soon discovered these individuals could appear in many forms. Some could easily be distinguished from their poor academic records, or lack of basic education, and these would be handled perfunctorily. Others, however, required the interview to be discovered, and it was from these which my more criminal impulses grew. The Unqualified. This is the candidate without a clue, the one who most often appears in my recurring interview nightmare. He not only has no knowledge of your company and no qualifications for the job, but he doesn’t know he lacks them as well. He’s a guy with loads of confidence but nothing to be confident about. I once thought such people must be going through life asleep, and it was my duty to wake them up. Most often, though, I found they’re sleeping way too soundly. The Slider. This the person to whom everything came easy. Usually very engaging personally, the person initially seems to be a good candidate. Highly intelligent, the grades may be good, but the choice of courses may have been made more for ease than knowledge. Although these people are invariably excellent talkers, you can often detect more fluff than substance in the content of their conversations. It soon becomes apparent that he, or she, has never worked a day in his life, and if, he has any say in it, fully intends to continue in the same manner. I was usually good at discovering these types, however one did escape me, and made an exceptionally irritating, and spectacularly unproductive, employee. The Loser. This type relies on pity to get the job. Projecting a pathetic picture, the interviewee spins a tale of misfortune and woe. It is always someone else’s fault and the phrase “if only” crops up frequently. The more obvious of this type is rather easily uncovered and discounted, but there is a more subtle type. I once hired a secretary, mature and highly qualified, who was starting a new life after a disastrous personal relationship in another city. It didn’t take long for all of us in the office to become intimately aware of just why that relationship failed, and how the personal qualities of our new secretary contributed to it. We suffered with her overbearing and oversensitive nature for years before she left to continue the pattern in another place. The Prostitute. Incredible as it seems in this age of political correctness, easy litigation, and Equal Opportunity, sex still comes up in the interview process. In women, it can range from ultra miniskirts to outright deal making. I once had a female candidate tell me, in her best Sharon Stone imitation, that she would do anything, ANYTHING, to get the job. I assured her I would ask for nothing, NOTHING, before sending her out. Men try it too. While team interviewing with the woman HR rep above, a good-looking well-dressed young man came in and proceeded to stare at her during the entire interview, pointedly ignoring me in the process. The interview closed with him giving her a slow wink and warm, lingering handshake. I believe there was an audible thud as his name hit the bottom of our list. The Gordon Gekko. This person believes that all companies are looking for the ultra aggressive, bottom-line orientated, anything-to-get-the job-done kind of employee. They invariably take over the interview, hard selling themselves and pointing out just how badly the company needs their unique skills. If you question their qualifications, they will give a “how can you possibly ask that” look, as if their qualifications are so obvious that you are stupid for even asking. One of my fondest memories of such a person was the young student who asked me what it would take for him to get my job. I smiled, mentally declining him the chance. The B.M.O.C. The big man, or woman, on campus is the person who can talk about nothing else than their success at college, their numerous accolades, organizations, activities, and so forth. While much of this is undeniably impressive and may be helpful, even advantageous, to the job, there is a potential pitfall. One difficulty facing some new employees is making the transition from academia to industry. There are subtle differences in the skills, objectives, and rewards in the two worlds. Most soon identify those differences and make the adjustment. A few, often those that are the most successful at campus life, prove to be incapable at making the change. I could go on and on. For instance there was the guy who, as he was shaking my hand, announced he was recovering from a three week long flu. But surely not all interviews are disasters. What about the good ones? Are there any? What are they like? I’m relieved to report that there are indeed people worth interviewing. Some of these are a genuine pleasure to talk to, not only preventing my fantasy acts of violence from becoming reality, but actually restoring my strength to go on. These are the people that get the grades and work the odd jobs. These are the candidates that can hold a conversation without dominating, be enthusiastic without fanaticism, be smart without conceit, and be confident without arrogance. They can be the head of their class or merely just above average, but they all share one common characteristic, they are normal. The one thing I’ve learned through years of interviewing, hiring, and supervising is that being “normal” is a critical aspect of success in a career. But what is “normal”? Is this another way of saying people just like you? The ‘old boy’ network? No, it is decidedly not as narrow as populating the company with people that are alike. Just the opposite is true, diversity is to be valued. By normal I ‘m referring to one crucial component--the ability to live harmoniously in the real world. On grade school report cards, it’s getting the “plays well with others” box checked. In sports, it’s teamwork. On the job, it’s called working well with others. Once a person attains the necessary basic skills for the job, no other attribute is as important. Nothing will kill a project more quickly than personality conflicts. The person who can’t get along becomes an anchor dragging down the entire team. No, the more normal the personality of each individual, the better the whole functions. So as yet I’ve resisted the impulse, almost overwhelming at times, to reach out across the table and slap some sense into the college candidate in front of me. As you can see, the only thing that has prevented me from doing so has been the calming influence of the occasional good interview. So my message to the prospective employee is this: be the kind of person that people don’t mind being around. If you’re not that kind now, work at it. It may be the single most important quality for a successful career, as well for a fulfilling life. And it may, just may, prevent an assault and battery in the interview room. |
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